Our Day

From Readers Digest

Dad holds a special place in our hearts, and on Father’s Day, he deserves the best! Pass our funniest fatherhood submissions on to a dad in your life and share the priceless gift of laughter!

 

The Right Choice My 16-year-old brother, Ryan, was out late with friends one night. Suddenly he realized it was Father’s Day and he had neglected to buy a card for our dad. After much searching, Ryan located an open store, but was disappointed to find only two cards left on a picked-over rack. Selecting one, he brought it home and, somewhat sheepishly, presented it to our father.

Upon opening it, Dad read this message: “You’ve been like a father to me.” He looked at Ryan, puzzled.

“Well, Dad,” Ryan tried to explain, “it was either that or the card that said, ‘Now that I’m a father too!’” – Submitted by Anne Carlson

 

Thanks for the Soda, Pop! Before I took the old family car to college, my father loaded the trunk with soft-drink bottles filled with oil, coolant and transmission fluid. Sure enough, my car overheated. Scolding myself for not listening to my father’s instructions, I looked at the engine and saw how well he knew me. The oil cap was labeled Dr Pepper, the transmission stick, Coke, and the empty coolant container, Diet Pepsi. I finished the trip safely. – Submitted by Charlotte G. Alexander

 

Say What, Dad? Our Gen-X daughter, Cristie, made my husband a Father’s Day card entitled “Things My Dad Would Never Say.” Such as:

“Can you turn up that music?”

“Go ahead and take my truck. Here’s 50 bucks for gas.”

“I LOVE your tattoo. We should both get new ones.”

“Here, you take the remote.” – Submitted by Deanna Schneider

 

Watch the Wash, Dad… I decided to make myself useful and do a load of the family laundry. When I took the clothes out of the machine, I discovered — to my dismay — that I had also washed the watch my wife had given me while we were dating. “Don’t expect me to replace it,” she said later with an obvious lack of sympathy. By the time Father’s Day rolled around, however, she had relented and gave me a beautiful new watch. Attached was a note with this stipulation: “DRY-CLEAN ONLY!” – Submitted by Paul Diblasi

 

What a Card! Father’s Day was near when I brought my three-year-old son, Tyler, to the card store. Inside, I showed him the cards for dads and told him to pick one.

When I looked back, Tyler was picking up one card after another, opening them up and quickly shoving them back into slots, every which way. “Tyler, what are you doing?” I asked. “Haven’t you found a nice card for Daddy yet?”

“No,” he replied. “I’m looking for one with money in it.” – Submitted by Terri Cook

 

Papa Bear My husband’s cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears — one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. “See, Connor?” he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. “That’s Daddy.”

Connor’s eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, “You used to be a bear?” – Submitted by Robin Yedlock

 

Pop Vs. Pup While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn’t help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, “Now remember — run to Dad first, then the dog.” – Submitted by Karla J. Kasper

 

Paternal Payback On the day I received my learner’s permit, my father agreed to take me out for a driving lesson. With a big grin, he hopped in behind the driver’s seat. “Why aren’t you sitting up front on the passenger’s side?” I asked.

“Kirsten, I’ve been waiting for this ever since you were a little girl,” Dad replied. “Now it’s my turn to sit back here and kick the seat.” – Submitted by Kirsten Wiley

 

No. 1 on Our List — Literally! My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.

Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers. – Submitted by Joan Flood

Read more: http://www.rd.com/advice/9-funny-fathers-day-jokes-for-dad/#ixzz34i8CmhFZ

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Comments

  1. So far, Father’s Day looks good for me. Kids cooked breakfast, same as Mother’s Day. Microwave eggs & toast. One just got a cooking lesson from Mom, scrambled eggs in a pan.
    Now to church, and reflect on what my departed father passed on to me. Then visit my father-in-law where there will be some loud noises. A little skeet shooting & maybe some exploding targets.

    • Sounds fun. Those kid cooked breakfasts are something, aren’t they? Memories of my dad will be with me today too. I’ll be weeding the garden and grilling some steaks.

      Happy Father’s Day guys.

  2. Happy Fathers Day to all!

  3. Hope all you great dads have a wonderful Fathers Day.

  4. gmanfortruth says:

    Happy Fathers Day to all the Dads 🙂

  5. Judy Sabatini says:

    Happy Father’s Day to all dad’s here. Hope you have/had a wonderful day.

  6. gmanfortruth says:

    Check out the government made boogieman: http://rt.com/usa/166060-usa-fbi-terrorism-prosecutions/

  7. gmanfortruth says:

    On Saturday Morning I attended a Conceal carry Symposium in Warren Pa at the Holiday Inn. Hosted by Pa State Rep Kathy Rapp, Pa State Senator Hutchinson (our local reps in Harrisburg). The presenter were Forest County Sheriff, Warren County Sheriff, Forest County Prosecutor and Warren County Prosecutor. If you can’t get the facts from these folks, they ain’t to be had.

    They all took turns speaking during a one hour power point presentation explaining whats legal and not legal about conceal carry, open carry, Castle Doctrine and Stand Your Ground laws. Afterwards that was a one hour question period (not very good questions, mainly because the info covered was detailed).

    While most of what was said I was aware of, a few things were quite helpful. Some examples: I can use lethal force to protect another person who is danger, if that person was in a situation that allowed her/him to use lethal force. Those circumstances are, the threat of death, serious injury, kidnapping and rape (those are the legal reasons for all the subjects). The old laws didn’t allow for that. We can shoot if a bad guy enters the HOME, but a crook can’t be shot for trying to steal a lawnmower in a shed (Buck should be happy with that).

    No form of warning or retreat are required to engage a bad guy. Your home, car and place of work are considered your HOME when it comes to Castle Doctrine. You can shoot a person who is on top of you punching you, just like in Florida 😉 A PA CCL trumps all local ordinances. Philly wouldn’t allow conceal carry, now they have no choice. You do not have to drag a bad guy back in the house (with much laughter) as old laws made necessary.

    The place was standing room only after the 150 or so chairs were filled. about 3 times as many more were turned away, with another symposium likely in the Fall. A good number of Seniors were on hand, and lots of vets. Overall it was very educational and worth the 1 hour drive. 🙂

  8. gmanfortruth says:
  9. Father’s Day was nice…..my dad, 95…still kicking but not as high as he used to…I have lots of great memories of hunting and fishing trips, playing golf (his love that he cannot do any longer) target shooting…..but the one thing that I remember most. My dad, very disciplined and a very successful business man…you know….the type that rarely shows emotion at all.

    When I was leaving for Vietnam, he gave me a ride to Love Field in Dallas, Texas. ( DFW was not built yet). I did not want tearful goodbyes ( after all, how many can you say ) My mom stayed home at my request, the wife stayed home… my grandmother would not listen to anyone and went with us. When it was time to board the aircraft. dad could say nothing but I could read his eyes. He saw the carnage of WWII on the beaches of Iwo Jima, Saipan, Okinawa….and could not help but see those same images 25 years later….but I could see it in his eyes…a flicker of emotion no matter how strong he wanted to be…..it was an awkward silence. I did not know what to say….I did not know what to expect from war except for the sanitized John Wayne movies on TV…..but dad knew what it was like. So, his armor…his emotional armor cracked just a little…..I saw it.

    At this time my salty grand mother, obviously recognizing the awkward silence said in a loud, boisterous voice……loud enough to make people turn and look…. ” Well, what are you waiting for…Keep both your head and ass down and your eyes open…we will be here when you get back!!!”

    You have to understand the frail little grandmother, born in 1895….survived two husbands, WWI, the roaring twenties, the depression, WWII, Korea, the McCarthy era….a sweet little old grand mother telling me, a rough tough Green Beret standing tall in a crisp uniform trying to look unruffled…..to Keep my ASS down. This from a lady whose strongest word in my lifetime before then was “hecky dern”……

    That gave the break that was needed and my dad, claps me on the back, and said….” You heard it “…..with that he and my grandma turned and walked away among the laughter of all.

  10. Anybody jump in here to correct me if you feel I am wrong.

    The US is about to cut a deal with the Iranians, our enemy supposedly, the people who want to build the bomb to blow Israel off the map and bring the end of times to bail us out in Iraq where our erstwhile ally falls apart.

    Meanwhile, back at the ranch this group ISIS, that nobody ever heard of before is doing a great imitation of the NVA rolling South in ’75. ISIS, the unknown group is supposedly bankrolled by Saudi Arabia, our long term partner for peace and stability in the middle east. Sound about right?

    Why is there a question about Fracking and Pipelines? THOSE are the crazy people.

  11. Yep…the enemy of my enemy is my friend……..be ready for it and we will even fund it…kinda hard to figure, eh?

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