When Do States Tell Feds to Piss Off?

I was reading an article this evening about the fact that the Governors of several states getting together to ask the federal government for help financially, even if it means that we increase the national debt to do so. It got me thinking about how we have gotten to this point, and consequently what should the federal government be required to do because of it. And make no mistake, there is no single right answer, because the situation varies from state to state. It causes me to ask a few distinct questions around state and federal relationships. First, at what point should states be telling the federal government to piss off in terms of required social programs or costly legislation? At what point should the federal government be returning the favor for states that do not hold themselves fiscally responsible? And finally, when is the point that some states should be withholding help to the federal government that is passed on to states that acted fiscally irresponsible? I will explain all of these questions a little further below. But the fact is that we have found ourselves in a situation where it seems like the vast majority of states lack the ability to fiscally sustain themselves, some through reckless spending and others through forced spending from the federal government mandates.
Where Do We Draw the Line in Government Spending?